250910

    Lately there’s quite a lot of things happened around me.

    At one point, someone had written a tweet “You can stop yourself from loving a person, but you can never stop someone from loving you. Being mean to them only will make them hate love”.

    I was stunned.

    Because I I just realize I have changed someone into a love hater.

    I thought I been doing the right thing but it is too late to regret about this.

    I tried to apologize to him. A word “Sorry” didn’t make the situation better but worse.

    There’s nothing much I can do except accepting the fact that he’s walking away.

    a sms

    That day you had sent a sms saying I am not truly love you because I am not willing to wait for you. Maybe you are right. But somehow, I feel de pain from my heart when I saw this. Eventually this is what you been thought of me.

    A girl that not truly love you but did sacrificed for you until certain extent that you will never know.

    You said I should blame on you. Perhaps I should blame on myself. Letting myself to get into a trap that I knew there won’t be any good ending between us.

    Most of the time I am miserable because of the unknown relationship between us and. Every time you turned me down, I will just smile and tell you “it’s okay”. I learned to keep it for myself and not telling anyone as you said there’s no need to tell anyone about us.

    Later i changed to adapt you. Closest friend found me changed a lot and found it unacceptable. I just choose to smile with her and said “yeap, I know I have changed”. I am not who I used to be anymore. I am just like a puppet for you.

    After all, all this have become nothing as you take it for granted and you expect me to be there for you with no commitment. While you enjoy your freedom and space, come to me whenever you want to.

    I started to wonder if I someone for you.

    Finally I found the answer for you instead of asking you. Perhaps, I am not.

    I think the story between us should just stop right here. Things will be better when we choose to let go.

    在怡保的假日

    上个星期借着Hari Raya的假期
    去了Ipoh一趟

    为什么去Ipoh而不是其他地方呢?

    因为早前和朋友提起了塔罗牌
    他说他知道一个塔罗牌老师还蛮准的

    说起塔罗牌
    我还真的蛮相信的

    所以决定走一趟
    顺便见一见朋友

    托一个朋友的福
    载了我到Ipoh
    接着Ipoh的朋友就来载我去吃午餐

    吃完午餐后
    就前往塔罗老师的住处
    塔罗老师的办公室就在她的家外面
    特别盖的一个小房间
    为顾客占卜

    塔罗老师第一个占卜的是Ipoh的朋友
    由于我和他还蛮聊的开
    所以他的事情我都大概知道

    塔罗老师还真的很准确的
    说出他现在的问题等等的

    老实说
    当塔罗老师说的这么准确时
    我还真的很怕
    很怕我的牌是很差的

    朋友占卜好了后就轮到我了
    洗好了牌后
    抽了12张牌出来

    一开始开的牌是关于我的事业
    塔罗老师说我现在做的工作很辛苦
    而我有想要逃跑的感觉
    很多东西等我我学习
    我将会花很多无谓的时间在工作上

    当她说出这一番话的时候
    我的眼睛开始红了起来

    啊~ 还真的是很准

    我还真的花了很多无谓的时间在工作上
    原以为花多一点时间做case
    一定可以close case
    可是往往我都找不到solution
    接着就stuck在那儿好几天
    还真的很压力的说

    说完事业
    接着就说感情的部分

    好笑的是当我选感情的第一张牌时
    它是被死神和倒塔包围着
    塔罗老师直接说我很想恋爱
    可是却很怕
    就像牌显示的一样怕死人塌楼

    听到塔罗老师这么说时
    我只能一味的微笑
    接着开的牌都是很感情有关的
    就像是“他”是怎么看我的等等

    最好笑的是
    感情的最后一张牌
    那一张牌的解说是
    虽然我很害怕恋爱可是最后我还是选择了恋爱
    矛盾的我啊~

    接着下来就是如果我有男朋友会怎样
    没有男朋友又会怎样等等的

    看完了塔罗牌后
    心情变的超低落的

    可是我又能怎么样呢?

    看完塔罗牌后
    就吃吃喝喝的

    就这样的过了两天的假日在Ipoh

    朋友送了我去ktm
    不知道为什么
    离开的时候
    我哭了

    或许是因为又要回到原本的地方面对难题吧
    或许两天的假日是太短暂了

    很难过的说

    150910

    Didn’t manage to update my blog for quite some time. Suppose last weekend I should have time to blog but I went to Ipoh. So, nah I didn’t do so. Later I will have a post about it but erm, lets see when I am free to do so. LOL

    Tomorrow is 1 malaysia, another public holiday. Suppose to be happily celebrating the public holiday at home. But, nah I am sick >.<

    Having flu and sore throat together but not fever. LOL

    Now I am over changed my battery (sleep too much). After consuming medicine and zzz, I got hungry. Ish, yeah I am hungry again. T.T

    Feels like eating fast food and snack.

    Argh!

    多余

    .
    当你的眼泪
    一颗颗的从你的眼眶掉下你的脸颊

    你会伸手把它擦掉
    还是
    任由眼泪的掉下在你的脸颊?

    当我不服气

    不想让别人看到我哭时
    我会伸手把它擦掉

    可是
    当我一个人

    心情真的真的很糟糕时
    我就会让它任由的掉在脸颊

    因为我知道
    就算我擦了
    眼泪还是会一直流

    与其一直伸手把它擦掉
    不如就让它不停的流
    哭累了
    也就是它干的时候

    不用自己去擦
    它也会自己干

    那伸手擦掉也是多余

    这多余的举动
    就像是你一直逼自己忘记某些东西
    可是却不知道逼自己并没有解决到问题

    越逼自己忘记
    越忘记不了

    不如就让自己麻木
    就不会再去想了

    很多时候
    我们都被自己多余的动作
    弄到自己更辛苦

    往往没有想到
    道理其实很简单

    guin

    050910

    最近发现自己的部落格文章越来越少了

    通常文章变的越来越少时
    都表示我很忙或我的心情都没有很糟糕

    可是今天我却发现
    自己写的文章变的少
    并不是完全的因为以上的原因

    最近是忙了些
    究竟在忙些什么
    我也不是很清楚
    只知道
    时间一分一秒的过
    日子一天天的过

    自己都还在原地

    虽然说
    还在原地打转似乎没有进步
    可是自己的心情却比之前好很多
    起码没有那么的钻牛角尖
    很多的事情都一笑而过
    日子都变的比较容易过

    再说
    我发现了一些事情
    其实人还真的很犯贱
    明明眼前就已经有比较好的选择
    可是都不要反而爱挑难搞的选择
    这除了能说自己犯贱之外
    还真的找不到比较好的形容词了

    其实很多事情都是我们都可以选择的
    今天我选择了伤心
    明天我选择了大哭
    后天我选择了离开
    难过伤心都是我选择的
    没有人可以为我做主
    没有人可以为我选择

    我累了
    我就会离开了

    事情就会慢慢的被我遗忘
    日子还是要过
    我还是我